This one’s going to be in a simple language because complicated words will only squeeze your thoughts. This blog does not represent the rich brats, the male chauvinists or the wrong doers of any sort. We’re talking about a simple guy who lifts the heaviest tags, juggles various aspects of his life at a very early age simply to achieve his dreams and keep everyone around him happy. What does he lose in this process? Himself.
I’d like to stick to men here and not shed any light on women simply because men are coated with rules such as , “buck up”, “men don’t cry”, “men are not emotional”, “stop being such a woman” and funniest of them, “You’re a Man”. Those magazines publishing articles on how a man needs to follow the 21 gentleman codes to appeal to the 21st century women, are doing so just to fill the shiny glossy pages in yet another monthly edition. I’ve been a part of the Media and Entertainment industry for over five years now and believe me when I say this, those articles are only good to read. Real life is much harder and way more brutally practical for a man.
How often have you heard or read about a man’s struggle and all those barricades he over came to be what he is today? For a change, I think we need to bifurcate down to a whole new generation of men who have been impounded by the word ‘MAN’ at an age as early as 18. A major credit goes to the barbarous and tyrannical world that develops itself around them at a very early age. However, the art of survival is a never ending story incorporated with way too many plots, twisted emotions and the evergreen oppositions, deniers, traitors and someday protesters.
A man’s conflict never ends. Be it with the world he is facing or be it with himself. Sure, sacrifice is a term used to positively glorify a man’s struggle but would it be justified to seal experiences with just one term? NO!
If I was writing this blog four years back, I’d probably bombard you with yet another sympathizing desperate story of my own personal and domestic struggles, but this is what societal pressures does to a boy as he grows into a man. The social rules dictates a pattern and you are to follow them. As for me, I no longer feel the need to let people know about my weak links. Men may be scared, vulnerable and as soft hearted as the women but they’re not allowed to express thanks to the clause, “You’re a Man”. I’m not particularly proud to quote this but the real world does not have any place for a man’s emotions.
Today, it has been exactly four years since I stepped on the soil of this city of dreams. I had no idea where do I begin. I wasn’t even sure if I made the right move. Struggle was the only clarity I had. One way or the other, I had to make a living out of my passion. Apart from four bags of luggage, I also carried the luggage of leaving a beloved family behind. Not that I had a very supportive family but a bond cannot be denied. However, I couldn’t let the tears roll down because a man can’t cry. Four years down the journey, this man still can’t cry. Like many others, I had my fair share of struggle but that’s not important here. What’s important is that the journey of keeping my masculine emotions locked will never end.
Societies accuse men of moulding women for their needs and profits. What they fail to observe is how that same man is molded by a greater society and tougher rules to act in a particular way. Our characters are questioned on a daily basis. We cannot express our desire to have sex. Women across the world fail to understand that may be some of us are doing so just to find a little bit of solace and not really to utilize a woman as an accessory. It really isn’t our fault if your past was bitter. We don’t deserve this character judgement. This fear of character judgement shuts us up forever which only adds yet another tag labeled ’emotionally unavailable’.
We’re criticized for shedding a single tear but every woman enjoys the global attention and sympathy for shedding that same tear.We’re equally wounded but unlike women, we don’t receive the much needed care, concern and solace nor are we asked about our feelings. In turn, we become rough and defensive over the years and why not? We fear judgmental reactions in response to our expressions and it’s only fair that we protect our heart. Our flawed childhood is never considered but her fairy tale childhood is preached about. We’re never encouraged to pour out our pain but the girl is lifted high in the air even for sharing a mediocre experience. Our honesty, commitment and existence of emotions are always doubted upon where as she does not even need to begin defining them. We are questioned and termed as immature for our obsession with video games but she plays with her barbie, talks dresses, juggles with jewelries and yet enjoys the label of a mature and a sensible human.
Every time I’m judged as a person seeking just physical comforts from a woman, I develop an extra layer of fear to approach the next woman. Who knows what she might label me as. Over the years, this fear has only made my approaches more broken. However, I can’t let anyone shatter my heart. Not anymore. And it is to safe guard my heart from such denying and unfavorable responses that I prefer being a defensive man. And why shouldn’t I? Women are not ready to even consider the idea of a man willing to commit for a lifetime. To them, we’re just an emotionless bundle. They will never know what it is to be like a man who reacts to over a thousand reflections regularly and yet receive absolutely no tenderness in return. What he does receive is a new set of social cultures and rules to be followed for the next day. The urge to express our heart and receive a little bit of consolation in return is completely killed in the process. Men are judged for sharing their emotions even on social networking websites. It appears as if they were designed purely for women to post selfies and update sympathy seeking status which is accompanied by symbolic hearts and plastic pouts, receiving endless number of likes and comments for no effing reason. Not to mention, these endless responses are again from men trying to provide support or sympathy in one way or the other.
All said and done, I’m still expected to juggle well between my profession, my social life and my family. Midst this battle, I’ve lost myself somewhere long ago. And how can I ever give up on my dream? So I’m still expected to fight this on going battle with the world to step up and make a name for myself. Besides the fact that I love my family, I’m still expected to completely give up on my space and dedicate my time for their well being and my profession. If I don’t, it’d be yet another excuse for a woman to judge me as a person who has abandoned his family or has no financial stability. The worst is yet to come. I’m still expected to provide comfort and solace to a woman if she ever needs one without contradicting, questioning or expecting anything in return, being well aware of the fact that she would never do the same for me ever because hey, “I’m a MAN”. I need to shut the fuck up and not express.
I’m now heading for a small professional gathering. But would they ever believe that the person standing in front of them actually typed a whole blog about his emotions just an hour back? No. As the social culture dictates, I will be indulging in conversations and drinks, tightening my fists, keeping my head high, dressing up well, use the right perfume, keep up that fake smile and agree with every word they speak of. Some women will flow in spirits and cry and I may even have to drop them home during which I will be tortured with a lecture on how bad their life is. My job would be to hear them out and sympathize because, “I’m a MAN”. Who would ever do that for me?
This blog in no way blames or criticizes women nor does it complaints about the cut throat nature of a man’s life. Believe me, I love this bad ass pace my life runs at. I just want to request women to ease up on men a little bit. We deserve an equal amount of tenderness, love and care and unlike your presumptions, we’re right here and ready to offer much more than just a good performance on bed and ask much more than just the physical comforts in return. Man’s life is a turbulent chaos. What would it take for a woman to step in and calm it down?
Peace!
shahrozekh 